the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
