Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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