i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
