May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
