There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
