I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
