O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
