We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
