so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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