just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize