My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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