i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
