i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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