somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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