he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
