why didn't you poke me back
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
