there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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