wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
FUCK WHALES
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
