Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
