he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
