I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize