If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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