shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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