She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
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Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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