It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
