his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
