Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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