Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
