So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
They are going to name an STD after you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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