My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
