drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
