He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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