He is an equal opportunity slut.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Someone signed my nipple.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
