You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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