we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
