We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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