Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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