I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
