oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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