You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
