I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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