I used to practice getting hit by cars.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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