dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
