Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
