i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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