About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
