i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
