why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
