Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
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I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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