Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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