I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
