My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
