let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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