Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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