i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
