This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
