Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
