my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
