And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
