You can't special order awesome
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
