Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
