I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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