please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
