If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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