they're like a gay fantastic four
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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