Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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