Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
