hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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